you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
