I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
