Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
