Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
