watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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