In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
