y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
