last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
