hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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