my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
