i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
