bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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