The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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