Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
