her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
