I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
