Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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