So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
