I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
