You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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