i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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