You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
