I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
