ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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