when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
