I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize