I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
