she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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