Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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