is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize