I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
