I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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