Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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