M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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