He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize