i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
