I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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