Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize