I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
