Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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