a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
