woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize