just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
