Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
