There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
