i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
