I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You are a genius and a whore.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
