in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
