We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
