Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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