did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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