I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my shit smells like andre
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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