Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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