I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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