How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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