watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
