Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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