Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
