saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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