I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
