My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
