I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
