Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
