Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
