and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
