This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize