well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
