Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
