I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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