If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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